Dinner was simple yesterday. Not many delicacies. Just, simple home-cooked food.
I washed the utensils after everyone was done. I try to help my parents in the household chores in ways I can.
After the ritual cleaning up before bed, I came to my room, put on some dim light and made the bed. I have been reading some light books before sleeping. I enjoy these sessions of alone time. My mind and body seem to relax and calm down in some strange way.
But yesterday, I just sat on my bed for a while and thought of life in general. You know some days (or nights) when you deliberately feel like thinking of something. Yesterday was such a night.
I thought, how controlled our lives feel most of the time, isn’t it? External agents have such power over us that our lives, in some form or the other, keep altering. These agents I am talking of may be material or immaterial, may affect us physically or emotionally.
I simply detest this feeling of losing control over my life. I feel weak and frustrated. The interesting bit is when you know what is happening to you. You know the possible reasons behind these feelings. And, probably, you also know what you should ideally do to get over this phase. And, despite knowing all these, you cannot or do not feel like tackling the problem.
Feelings are layered one over the other. You feel bad for some reason, and you then feel bad for not being able to get over the previous sense of feeling bad. Yes, it is confusing. Chaos resides in mind, it seems.
However, we should know that these feelings which so many people would gladly term as “overthinking” (whatever, that may be) is alright to happen to you. Let us not vilify these feelings or the ability to overthink. But what we can probably do is channelize these thoughts into something worthwhile. Instead of sitting and lamenting, we could maybe write down our thoughts somewhere to get out of the cycle of remorse. We could start doing something creative. Maybe take up some dance classes you have always been wishing since you were a kid. Or why not go to a beautiful movie. Nature walks often do wonders. Writing a journal is considered one of the best therapies.
The point is, let us not feel alone. I know this sounds easy, but it is challenging. Still, let us understand that there are people for you who would listen to you and your worries. They may not be able to suggest you answers to your queries, but they will nevertheless lend their ears and their shoulders to you. Let us approach them and share our feelings. I am not at all judging people who do not or cannot really express what they exactly feel. But sharing your emotions even in a journal would do. Sharing in any form is probably cathartic. It will release you of your feelings, guilt, self-loathing.
Let us share our worries and sorrows. Let us try to live and not just survive. The world has much more to offer to us. Let us not give up already.
Dear Soul-Searchers, most things which actually worry us are not even our making or in our control. Let us not be so hard on ourselves and carry others’ burdens on our shoulders, all the time. Let us, for once, live for ourselves. Let us, for once, give some bit of love that we maybe unsuccessfully offer others, to ourselves. Let us embody love, kindness and life. The world could be a happier place to live then, couldn’t it?