We are going through extraordinary times. Times, maybe all cannot fathom of. Fragility and uncertainty of life is disappointing and depressing. Times such as these may have infinite effect on our emotional well-being. Moreover, the solution of a lock-down is a privilege not everybody enjoy. Some cannot afford to be locked down within their homes; some can but would not want to be for various reasons. I would not even dare to discuss these several issues here.
Within a locked down dysfunctional space, the fissures grow bigger. The quakes get stronger. Within turbulent minds, the winds blow stronger. Controlling minds become difficult in times such as these. There are whirlwinds in our depths. Thoughts of what were, what maybe and what will be, or will not be circle within us, pushing each other to make spaces for themselves.
But within all these negativities, we cling on to that idea of hope and possibility. We know we have to go on, no matter what. We have to fight this to the end for our sake and for the sake of so many others.
I could not bring myself to sit down and do something productive. I just could not. Anxiety and paranoia haunted me. They still do, maybe. I spent a few days of this disaster trying to comprehend it. I have spent most of these days trying to spread as much awareness amongst humanity, myself sitting tight within the four walls. And I felt as if I have failed. I felt as if I failed myself and so many others simply because I could see so many not heeding to the guidelines. However, I have arrived at an intermediary state now. Here, I have realised that I have done to the best of my abilities. I have accepted that there are only something I can do and change, and some I cannot. I cannot beat myself over these cannots.
I am trying to bring my life to some kind of normalcy now, whatever normalcy means at this point in time. I can express myself in the pages of my blue diary. I can share my feelings with you all in my blogposts. I can start reading from my to-be-read list. I have started working on my PhD thesis again. I should do all these things when there is time. And that’s what I wrestle with: time. But we need to go on, we need to fight through. We need to hold onto that thread of positivity.
Time is such a tricky thing. It teaches us a lot, doesn’t it? Now the need to respect and cherish each passing day seems more meaningful. However, the possibility of time still lingers. And we need to clasp to this possibility. For there is time. Different time, yes. Still, there is time.
Stay safe. Stay hopeful. Relax your mind and take care of your body. Also take care of others. We will pass through this together. I will talk to you soon ❤ Till then,